Mari Ness

We all have different ways of remembering the perfection of Teri Hatcher's breasts. Some – traditionalists, in their way – allow their minds to flee back to certain moments of Lois and Clark. Others think of a certain James Bond movie, and still others, perhaps to be excused by the follies of youth, know only of certain scenes from Desperate Housewives. Me, I'm a Seinfeld sort of person, and when I think of her perfect breasts, the sauna moment is the scene that comes to mind. Followed, of course, by remembering the follow up line from the series finale.

While we're on the subject of Seinfeld, it should surprise no one that two of my all time favorite lines from the show appear here and here.

No, I'm not making this up. I have a lot of uses for my breasts, but playing MP3 files, until now, has never been one of them.

Quick question, though: are you able to change the MP3 files stored in your breasts?

Because if not, that would really suck. If 40 years from now my breasts were still playing the same stuff I have on I-Tunes right now, and suddenly, Mahna Mahna started emanating from my nipples while I'm trying to convert people to the love of Settlers of Catan as the best entertainment available at one of those independent living facilities....Ok. Yes, I did, in fact, imagine an even worse scenario with Mahna Mahna, my breasts, and an embedded MP3 player, but since this is still in theory a marginally family friendly journal, you aren't getting to read about that.

Only because my mother reads this.