Mari Ness

I've got a lot of catching up to do, so this won't be complete in the slightest, but I do have to set the record straight before athenakt ( jumps on and starts giving you misleading information about me. )

So, expecting the usual blandest of the bland, I opened my fortune cookie last night and read:

Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.

Good advice, as far as it goes. But note the specific nature of the fortune: absolutely nothing was said about the wisdom and luck of kissing an elephant on the lips tomorrow (which since I'm typing this this morning happens to be today) or kissing any other portion of the elephant -- the tail, say, or the edge of an ear.

And of course nothing was said about the rest of you, who may wish to include a few elephant kisses in your life. Or not. I'm not here to judge.

********

So after opening this, I found myself chatting with tealfroglette's husband about elephant kissing, using tealfroglette as a telephone. He informs us that actually, the most sensitive part of the elephant, and thus, the best place to start such activities, should you have an interest, is the elephant's trunk. I explained that I really, but really, did not need to know how he had come by such detailed information about elephant sexuality.

"The Discovery Channel," he claimed.

Which immediately brought to line a certain line from the Bloodhound Gang, but I managed to stop myself humming it just in time. "Riiiiiight," I said, instead, and then realized. "Not that I can judge," I admitted. "After all, I have an elephant prick hanging on my wall."

Which brought up an entirely different conversation about travels and elephant pricks, and explains why I'm really not here to judge, and perhaps explains why I get these sorts of fortune cookies, instead of the bland, "You may attend a party where strange events prevail."*

Not that anything was said about kissing elephants at that party. **

* In bed, of course.

** Or taking them to bed.