Mari Ness - At least one candidate focuses on critical campaign issues:

I know, I know. Most of you think that the Republican candidates are wasting our time chatting about the Confederate flag again (from the Department of Stating the Obvious: Uh, dudes? The Confederacy lost. I'm all for embracing utterly lost and idiotic historical causes myself -- let's hear it for the innocence of Richard III! -- and if you wanna fly a nice racist symbol on your own property, be my guest, but can we cut this inanity about displaying a Confederate flag on federal property already? Again: South = lost. Ok. Siderant over.) but I am pleased to tell you that at least one candidate has addressed what should be the real concern of voters everywhere: Do our candidates possess the practical knowledge of how to fry squirrels on popcorn poppers? I must admit that, otherwise, Mike Huckabee and I agree on absolutely nothing, and I am disturbed by his ongoing refusal to discuss other tactics in the squirrel war -- note that he is completely failing to promise that he will put squirrels in the White House popcorn poppers -- but at least someone is paying attention to this critical issue.

On a related note, scientists have now uncovered proof of deceptive squirrel tactics. Fear them, my friends. Fear them.