Mari Ness - Iowa caucuses

So I'm watching the utter mess that is the Iowa "democratic" caucuses. Despite being a semi-political junkie, I've somehow or other missed watching this live in previous elections, perhaps because the idea of people milling around with colored signs instead of, you know, voting, vaguely irritating, and mostly because I find that Iowa and New Hampshire are two really dumb states to have this much influence over the U.S. primary process. (Offense intended.) My personal preference would be a nice national primary. Failing that, I'd at least like us to start the primary process with some states that represent a broader view of Americans -- California, Texas, yes, Florida (as deservedly ignoring as the rest of the country finds us), Illinois, Michigan and New York -- and if that's too "big state" for people, perhaps Idaho, Arizona, Missouri, Georgia, Rhode Island and Maryland, kinda spreading things around the middle sized states, although that's still pretty dumb.

A few points to note:

1. Is anyone else mildly amused that Cialis finds this the most appropriate venue for discussing erectile dysfunction disorder?

2. Least surprising part of the Iowa caucuses: CNN's coverage is just godawful. Sigh. "Edwards is trailing. Edwards is ahead." CNN, perhaps you should reconsider your mission in life.

3. From CNN again, "If these numbers are true, it's good news for Obama."

And what, precisely, would these numbers be? Excellent and unanswered question. Flipping to MSNBC because I can't take CNN anymore.

4. OOOH! A tie for the Democrats right now. Good

5. Sniffle. I was really hoping that somebody would stand up for Mike Gravel. If he drops out of the race, who will throw rocks at us?

6. Guiliani's at just 2% of the vote? You're kidding me. (It's early results.)

7. What cruel, cruel process has made people mull around a middle school library holding up bright signs on national television? A middle school library with truly horrific purple wallpaper, carpets, and ceilings?

8. I'm tempted to switch the goal of the 2008 election to collecting money to redecorate Iowa's middle school libraries.

9. Ok. CNN is mildly redeeming itself by showing us some extraordinary dull foottage of surrogates trying to grab support for their candidates, specifically showing a guy in a middle school cafeteria asking people to support Edwards. Ok. Perhaps that's not that redeeming.

10. Also not that redeeming: the attempt by CNN to explain the arcane proceedure used by Little Persia, Iowa, where little blue dots called Biden all moved to a big blue blob called Edwards.

11. Yes, CNN, people usually do consider winning more of the votes than your rivals "doing well." What do you have against Huckabee and Romney?

12. See, we knew Law and Order was popular: Thompson is in 3rd place.

13. I switch on MSNBC and immediately regret it. Can I just point out that Barack Obama can run for president precisely because he wasn't born in Kenya?

14. Uh. Somebody want to tell me why Chris Matthews has a job? I quote: "All Hillary has to get is half the women! Half! And then she has 30% of the vote!"

SERIOUSLY. SIMPLE GEOGRAPHY LESSONS. AND MATH.

15. Apparently, I remain Mike Gravel's sole source of support. Sniffle. GO MIKE!

16. I'd just like to note that I predicted Huckabee would do fine way, way back in August.

17. "Once again we've been upset by reality." I hear you, Chris Matthews. I hear you. (Having hated you before.) You have no idea how often reality has upset me.

18. Winter Park is NOT IN THE FLORIDA PANHANDLE. Here's a thought: before making a SINGLE STATEMENT REMOTELY CONNECTED TO GEOGRAPHY, PULL UP MAPQUEST.

19. Yes, CNN, "losing" is "not good news." (This is in reference to Guiliani, who is doing much worse than I predicted.)

20. So basically, our media has just decided to stick to stating the utter obvious and the factually inaccurate?

21. Why does CNN keep putting a big blank thing over the names of Ron Paul and McCain when displaying their pie chart on TV? Over with the Democrats, CNN is putting names on the tiny Richardson and Biden slivers, so it can't be poor technology. Come on, CNN: Law and Order is an NBC show! They're your rivals! You should be blanking out Thompson's name?

22. Believe it or not, I'm actually working else screen here.

23. Still a big silver thing right over the bit that would represent Ron Paul. Perhaps CNN doesn't worry as much as I do about wrathful World of Warcrafters.

24. I will admit that I never thought that Ron Paul could actually beat Guiliani in any election anywhere. I figured he'd poll around 4% and then get sucked into the Libertarian party. If the numbers hold up, I was remarkably wrong. Expect more Ron Paul spam. Incidentally, has anyone else been getting Rolex and Ron Paul spam? And I was still right about Huckabee.

25. "Guiliani's not being mentioned now. He's not part of the storyline." EXCEPT THAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT HIM.

26. The Iowa caucuses: the fastest way to lose faith in your U.S. media.

27. And apparently, we are also supposed to rejoice since the Iowa caucuses aren't, like, violent like Kenya.

28. Doesn't aaaannnnyyybbbbboooooodddddddddddddddyyyyyy like Gravel? He doesn't even have any pretty signs.

29. OOOOH, McCain: "You can't buy an election." Nasty!

30. A friend reminds me that it wasn't that Romney was trying to buy the election, it's just that the more you get to know him, the less you like him.

31. NBC is claiming that Obama has won Iowa.

I wouldn't quite call this Lexington and Concord. Especially since we all know the upcoming annoying question: "Can a black man win?"

Grr.

32. I may have blogged too early: CNN is saying that Guiliani is now beating Paul, not down in the 2% numbers where he was earlier. And we have 60% of the precincts still to go.

33. MSNBC has Guiliani on, and wasting the opportunity.

34. The Republican race is pretty darn close, actually, despite being called for Huckabee, with 60% still to go.

35. Wow, Chris Matthews is annoying. Back to CNN --

36. Who is playing the race card.

37. AUUGH.

38. I knew it was too much to hope that we could just accept Obama and Clinton as candidates, instead of focusing on ooohahh Black! Woman!

39. CNN is just refusing to say Ron Paul's name, aren't they?

40. WOULD YOU STOP CALLING HIM A BLACK GUY? He has actually been a senator!

41. Wait. Paul's beating Guiliani again. This is confusing. Ok. I'll check those numbers later.