Mari Ness - In which I praise:

The microfiber bra from Hanes, available at fine Target stores everywhere.

It's soft. It's smooth. It's thin. It shapes, but not overly so; it supports. It can be worn with a very tight blue shirt. If you get up on top of a table during Octoberfest, dancing with a girl in a wet, white T-shirt, the bra will move with you, allowing you to juggle a little while providing support, and more importantly, cleavage. When you remove it at the end of the night, your skin is clear and unmarked -- no underwire here, my friends.

It can be stroked by hand, providing satisfaction to hand and breast alike; the hand feels the lovely soft microfiber material, while the material is thin enough to allow the breast to fully partake of the full sensations provided by the hand.

If the bra has a fault -- and let's face it, perfection in bras is difficult at best -- it is that the bra has no back clasp. This means, of course, that should you care to remove it before, let's say, an intimate friend, you will first need to remove your shirt, tossing it aside, and then, you will need to pull the bra up over your head. Experimentation has proven that this is best done slowly. First, cup your breasts in your hands, enjoying the fine, soft feel. Second, begin to roll the bra up over your breasts. Again, slow speed is key here: not only will this allow you to remove the bra without crumpling it, it will allow the person to appreciate fully the easy nature of this bra.

Alternatively, you may either seek assistance in removing the bra, or perhaps leave it on for a longer duration.

Ladies, this is your moment -- the microfiber bra.

This has been a public service announcement.