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xmas me
I opened the door last evening, and breathed. I moved out, and breathed some more.

Cool.

Not cold yet, even by Florida standards, although I hope that's coming – the few days of genuine Florida chill and even occasional frost are just enough to remind me that winter still arrives in the rest of the world and that my cats need to stay warm, like, right now, please, but not enough to linger to the point of I'm sick of the cold, either. (This is of course in part because it really doesn't get that cold.) I opened windows and allowed the house to breathe. Cool, which means one thing:

October is coming.

Really, genuinely coming.

It's hard to explain what the summers have done to me in the last few years. My world narrows even as the days lengthen and more light pierces the world; I become dependent on others again, trapped behind the walls, only able to escape with someone's help or for brief periods early in the morning until the heat arrives, and with it, dizziness, fatigue, falling. And inside, the sudden start then drone of the AC, meaning that I don't even have real, true, quiet. I become depressed, cranky, irritable, with my limited freedom to go places limited still further.

The one thing I like is the rain, this heavy spectacular Florida rain that comes down in a flash flood with lightning and thunder and allows water, for a moment, to take over the world. I can watch that for hours (not that these storms ever last for hours – the rain, sometimes, yes, but the spectacular rain I'm talking about not so much). But we can also get these rains in the fall and winter and spring, and I think, I don't need the heat for this.

It's not quite completely cool yet. I can see more AC in the future, see more days when I will still not be able to leave the house after 11 am. But October is coming, and with it, my time. A touch of just a bit more freedom. The knowledge that I can have afternoons sometimes too. And evenings.

Hi, fall and the following winter. Linger as long as you like.

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xmas me
mariness
Mari Ness

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